The Case for a Shared Language

Candace Fitzpatrick, CSP

The year was 1977 and we had just graduated from high school the month before. My boyfriend, James, and I were sitting in his car in front of my house after an evening game of tennis. It was one of those perfect summer evenings in Amarillo, Texas, where it can get hot during the day, but you can always count on a chilly night because of the area’s low humidity and high elevation. A cool breeze was blowing through our open windows and we were talking about weighty subjects, as we often did, and enjoying the time together.

“So, changing the subject,” he prefaced, “Do you believe in euthanasia?”

I looked at him, almost aghast at the question.

“How can you even ask me that?” I sputtered my first response.

“It’s a valid question,” he replied, eyebrows raised in reaction to my obvious distress.

“Well, of course I believe in youth in Asia!” I answered.

He blinked at my vehement reply. Now it was his turn to be taken aback.

“You do?” He asked looking shocked, impressed, quizzical, and unsure, all at the same time.

“Yes! And I believe in youth in Europe, youth in Africa, youth in America, and youth all over the world, too! Why would you even ask me such a question?” I was a bit indignant in my answer - a state of mind that did not expect, nor appreciate, the laughing fit, complete with gasping, tears, and side-clenching that consumed him for the next five to ten minutes.

James was salutatorian of our class of over 700 students. The third child of four boys, his family had immigrated to the United States from Hong Kong when he was just a baby. They owned the best Chinese restaurant in town and personified the American Dream. James planned to follow in the footsteps of his two older brothers to fulfill his own passion to become a doctor. My inquisitive mind always found our conversations interesting and academically stimulating.

Previously we had talked about many provocative issues including women’s rights, the limitation of one child per family in China, and the cultural preference for that child being male, along with the many implications and consequences of that partiality.

Compared to James, I was a relative slouch, ranking twelfth in our class, so while I had an extensive vocabulary, it did not include certain words that were used in normal conversation in James’ family. So perhaps it’s not that surprising that I’d heard “youth in Asia” instead of “euthanasia” during the conversation!

Many industries and disciplines have their own “code” words that have specific meanings within the realm of that work. For instance, if you are in finance, the words amortization, churn, collateral, dividend, LBO, margin, solvency, and unsecured will have specific meanings for you. If you use some of these words outside of your industry, you have to expect that a dairy farmer, doctor, mathematician, graphic designer, IT specialist, gymnast, hairdresser, and/or a police officer will misinterpret your meaning of one or more of these words.

“If you want a group, committee, team, or organization to operate efficiently and effectively, you have to have a common, shared language”

When you are in a relationship, or working on a team, or are part of a group working toward a common goal, it is vital to have a common, shared language. I don’t just mean English, or Spanish, or Japanese; I mean a language that uses words that have clear, expressed definitions that everyone is intimately familiar with in the course of the work or the task at hand.

It is also important that the shared language extend beyond the technical aspects of your industry or discipline. Today, more than ever before, chances are high that your organization includes a diverse mix of people from multiple generations, genders, races, cultures, education, socio-economic status, experience, and backgrounds, which can make it challenging to always be on the same page.

So, more than just specific terminology and more than just our first languages, a shared language clarifies understanding while building and solidifying trust as you work toward a common goal.

Especially as more work is done remotely, if you want a group, committee, team, or organization to operate efficiently, effectively, and with as little drama as possible, you have to have a common, shared language that helps each individual clearly understand their own value and worth, how their contributions align with the organization’s goals and mission, and how others fit into that mix. Being able to accurately and objectively talk about these innate human gifts, instincts, or talents requires a coordinated effort where all employees are trained uniformly using a framework that reaches all individuals, no matter where they are in their developmental stage, and in a way that supports their unique learning style. It also needs to overcome pre-existing baggage that people have been lugging around for years, or even decades.

“A shared language clarifies understanding while building and solidifying trust as you work toward a common goal”

When I think back to that night in Amarillo so long ago, the details are clear to me because it was such an embarrassing moment. Now that I understand my unique intrinsic motivators, it makes sense as to why that interaction upset me to the extent that it did. I have also learned how to avoid, or at least minimize, those types of misunderstandings going forward, by being intentional about creating teams and work environments built on a shared language. It was probably one of the reasons why our relationship did not survive when we went off to different schools that fall, but the silver lining is the experience taught me such a valuable lesson.

Here at CoreClarity^®, our programs are designed to help teams create this shared language. By using the results of the CliftonStrengths^® Assessment as the foundation so that everyone understands their unique gifts and talents, we then encourage open conversations using their new, shared talent language. Something as simple as “Gary, I know you’re energized by getting things started (Activator^®); so that we can hit the ground running in our next meeting, please send me the reports so I can do my needed processing and reflection ahead of time.” provides a non-judgmental, productive, and collaborative way to direct action (or reflection) without stimulating conflict or misunderstanding.

Once individuals learn key CoreClarity concepts (which help build their shared language), they can use that knowledge and understanding to have healthier conversations, leading to increased collaboration and ultimately stronger teams.